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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First call comes in at 8 AM. It’s some dude on Kirova Street, totally freaking out. His cat’s stuck in a tree. I’m like, “Bro, it’s a cat, not a rocket scientist.” But he’s all panicky, so I’m trying to calm him down. “Just get a ladder, man!” I mean, c’mon, it’s not rocket science. But he’s like, “What if it jumps?” I’m like, “Then it jumps! Cats do that!”

Nov 29 – Dec 6 live war map: Avdiivka, Bakhmut, and Luhansk region – Russians aiming for success at any cost